Secret (Not So Secret) Introvert

Photo on 13-09-01 at 12.28 AM

Many people don’t believe me when I insist I’m an introvert. Growing up I was painfully shy. As I got older, I learned how to disguise it to the point where I sometimes believe I’m an extrovert. I certainly exhibit some extrovert personality traits. But for me, it take a bit of energy to exert myself and be more outgoing.

Did you know…

… I experience a lot of anxiety when someone invites me to a party where I don’t know anyone else but the hostess. I know she can’t hang out with me the whole night as she has to meet and greet everyone else too, which means I’ll need to meet new people. I’ll need to mingle and make small talk. And for some reason, I just can’t do small talk. I’m no good at it. I can vaguely chat about the weather, the news, etc but I can’t sustain it. And inevitably, the small talk eventually turns into an awkward pause. And what’s when everyone else decides to turn away from the horrible accident scene which is me and talk to each other instead.  And then I get all weird and feel like a loser.

… I even hate meeting up with friends one on one unless I know them really well. I’m always worried we’ll have nothing to say to each other. And then we’ll be stuck at the dinner table, loudly sipping our soups and crunching our salads to fill in the void created by our lack of anything to say to each other. For this reason, I always want another friend there. To act as a buffer: to take the pressure off me to keep the conversation going.

… Thank God cell phones have become so ubiquitous. I’d much rather text someone than people to them on the phone. And I’d much rather talk on the phone than meet in person. God, why can’t the world just function in a way whereby I just “like” stuff on Facebook/Instagram?

… While I love dressing up and I love the idea of going out to a club, bar or party. I get all excited planning out what to wear and dream up different scenarios of what will happen that night. But once I get there, I realize that I hate vapid conversations with strangers and being put into situations which highlight my social ineptitude. (Thank God for liquor.) I’d much rather being at home cuddled up to my favourite pillow with a warm cup of tea and a good book.


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